Thank you all for being such wonderful friends. I could never do this thing called life alone. God has put such amazing people in my path and I am feeling extremely thankful for that, especially now. I have had "baby fever" for a little while now -- just hadn't expressed it here. Then Jay and I sat down to have THE TALK the other night and I discovered that hubby's heart is closed shut to the idea of expanding our family right now. Not that he doesn't want another child. He does. It is just too overwhelmingly stressful for him to think about financially. We are not wealthy. We are not poor, either. We live month to month. We both work hard to make this family of three work, and the thought of forking over thousands and thousands of dollars to bring home baby number 2 is just too much for my sweet hubby to handle. I am a crazy female that would just take out yet another loan to make it happen, but that isn't the wise thing to do and I KNOW that. After my last post I recieved so many encouraging comments and e-mails -- they left me in tears. Just knowing that so many people care about me and are praying for me made me feel so grateful. So, I just wanted to let you know that I am putting this situation fully into God's hands and I am trusting that He will work everything out...just like He did with my sweet Lily. I am reminded of a time once before in my life where my heart was aching for a child and how God's faithfulness to me was astounding. We sang a song by Sara Groves in my old church (the church that will forever feel like "home" to me) about God's faithfulness...
Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch Him amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways.
Chorus: All I have need of, His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me.
I can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain.
I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting His hand.
(chorus)
This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, He will be again. His loving compassion it knows no end.
All I have need of His hand will provide. He's always been faithful... He's always been faithful... He's always been faithful to me.
A special thank you to my sweet "sisters" (travelmates): your love and concern for me and my family is overwhelming. I love you girls so much and I can't believe we will all be together in one week!!!!!! Yay!
19 comments:
I am right there with you.. I love children.. I wish we had money too.. I would have a dozen.. I have all the love in the world to give.. but not all the money.. I am praying for you..
Keep your chin up..
Kim
Oh gosh, Nikki, this post really gave me chills -- thank you so much for sharing it with us. I admire your faith greatly. I know you are OK, but I do want you to know that I am sorry the path is unknown right now.
There have been many times during our infertility and adoption journey that I have wanted to do things and Ryan has come in with a voice of reason. I may not always understand at the time, but always end up being thankful for his ability to see things more practically than I am able to. It sounds like Jay is the same for you.
I hope one day you are able to fulfill this dream. For now I am going to continue to learn from you and your precious Lily.
*HUGS*
It's so hard, isn't it, Nikki. Others can seemingly create their families without too much thought while we must plan and plan for years.
You are in my thoughts.
You will get there dear friend, truly you will.
God always has the answers. Thinking of you.
Oh, I just want to hug you right now. I want you to know that if it were not for my very generous stepmom, we would not be able to pursue this second adoption. We are right there with ya, not wealthy by any means yet not poor. We live on a minister's salary. But I tell you what, I did the same thing. I left it in God's hands. I asked Him to provide a way. Low and behold, my stepmom came to us, unknowing of this prayer, and handed us a check. Not for the whole thing, but a great start. It doesn't happen that way for everyone, I know. But I asked, and He provided. I was truly amazed.
Give him time, sweetie, and pray for him. Maybe he will change his mind, maybe he won't. Either way, God is with you, guiding both you and Jay. I pray for you both!
You know how much I love you and Jay.....and the "girls" feel the same way. Just know that we are there to help you whenever it is the right time!
See you soon my friend!
Hugs....
S*
I am so glad you have the love and support of many friends and family. We are going to be a family with one child, but oh this child will receive everything and anything! I am with you and if you EVER need to chat, I am a quick email away sweetie.
What amazes me most is the depth of love that you and your husband share, that you can accept where each of you is emotionally, be realistic about NOW, and let go and let God. What a testament to your marriage and working together.
I'm truly inspired. And I hope one day you will both be able to fulfill the dream of giving Lily a sister.
You are doing the right thing by waiting for Jay to be ready and not "bugging" him constantly. AND we can totally relate!!! We live so tightly as well - and God always provides but how much do you go out on that limb financially??!?!? WE TOTALLY understand!!! We love you guys and want to help if we can when the time is right!!!
I ditto Becky .. God placed our husbands in their position for a reason and I know how much Jay loves his family and will lead you in the right direction ... Your faith inspires me and your strength amazes me ... love ya bunches and can't wait to see ya in TN next week ..
I completely understand where you are coming from... But with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! He will open the door when it's His perfect time so that you will be right where you need to be to receive YOUR baby.
God's Comfort and God's Speed
You are such a special friend and I know that God will take care of you. Thank you for sharing with us.
Hugs,Jonni
In my thoughts. Rely on that faith to bring you through to the reality that is right for your family.
Hugs.
I constantly think of 1Peter 5:7
Cast all your worries on
God for he cares for you.
He will lift your burden!
oh my goodness Nik, I thought I posted to this one...sorry, havent been ignoring you I promise...although we haven't yet had our own, I so can understand what you mean, it seems like just yesterday my nephew was born and he is almost 8 (where did those years go), and then my great nephew is almost 3 (I still remember my niece preggo with him and his sister too, who is almost 2)...but yet our wait for referral is taking forever!!! I know it will be well worth it, but goodness please speed up!!
I just know you and Jay will be able to have another one and soon...keep the faith!!!
I can still hear you singing that beautiful song. God is good. LOVE YA!!!
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