Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Four...going on fourteen?

Well, I had mentioned awhile ago that age 4 was lookin' like it might be "the year of sass"...and I am pretty convinced that I was right on!

While Lily is still the apple of my eye, and a wonderful, bright and shining star...she has begun behaving in ways (at times) that I am less than thrilled with. Examples, you say? You would like some examples? OK, here goes:

Last Saturday the three of us went for a walk in our downtown area. We took Lily past a fountain and I gave her some coins to throw in. I also told her that people say you should make a wish as you throw in your coins...she thought that was a great idea. (Throwing in her first coin) "I wish I was an astronaut!" (Second coin) "I wish I was back in Tennessee!" (third coin) "I wish I was caught up in a big, soapy bubble!" (and the 4th, and final coin) "I wish I had another mommy!" Then she shot me a look, waiting for me to respond. Hmmm...I was a bit stunned, so it took me a minute. We had a short conversation about WHY she would wish for another mommy. Turns out she would like her Aunt Jody to be her mom. She told me she "didn't want me". I am "not nice", apparently. I totally blame Aunt Jody for this outburst. She can't say "no" to my girl! (haha!) Anyway, she has said this a few times since then. I don't know exactly how to handle it. I'm hoping it's short-lived. It's weird - I know she doesn't really mean it, but it still doesn't feel real good. Fortunately, she does usually come back after awhile to tell me she does love me and that she wants me to be her mom. Gee, thanks kid.

Another example (as if more were needed, after that!): When she doesn't get her own way, she gets huffy. She won't throw a temper tantrum or anything, but she'll let you know she's ticked. Often she will storm in her room and shut the door. At 4? Really? Is 4 the new 14 or something?

Now, these incidents are rare. But, I do need to document them...I don't want Lily, as an adult, reading back on these and thinking she was THE perfect kiddo.

I hope everyone is having a good week. Sorry that I haven't been around as much lately. I started my new schedule at work (4 nites, 1 day), so by the time I get home at nite I'm too exhausted to do much of anything. I have almost completed the paperwork for adoption number 2, so that is exciting. I'm ready to officially begin "waiting".
That's all for now!

27 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh, Nikki! Lily sure does have a lot of spunk! She always reminds me soooo much of my Ella..more than any other child I read stories about!!!

I know that it can be hurtful to hear those words...every parent hears them at one time or another. Try to stay non-chalant (hard to do!)when she says it. Tell her that is okay...and that you still love her more than anything in the world.

She knows that she has the best Mommy in the world...she is just looking for a reaction. Now when they get older and they say it...they probably mean it. LOL! But that's okay...WE know they have the best mommy in the world. : )

I probably missed it...but which country are you adopting from???

Yay on being almost done with the paperwork!!!

Bella's momma said...

Oh honey I know that the mommy comment had to hurt. You and I both know she did not know the power of those words and I have no doubt that she meant it!!! i guess this is a 'right of passage' that we all will face ~ boy of boy not looking forward to it!

missy said...

Nikki,

That little doll of yours is just wanting to get a rise out of you. Paige did it to my mom, she has said she didn't want me as her sister, etc... I agree with Michelle, just tell her that you love her no matter how she feels.

She's a spunky little squirt! I love em' that way! We have a 9 year old spunkster at our house and it is never dull.

Hold on for the ride : )

Isabella's Mommy & Daddy said...

Got to love our girls... I know it hurts but they LOVE us to pieces...
She is just being a little girl...
Have a Great Week..
LOVE the picture... Lily is adorable...
HUGS..

Linette said...

Oh..this sounds so much like Hannah. I think 4 is definitely the year of the attitude! Hannah will be so sweet and then something sets her off and all I get is sassiness too. So sorry about the mommy comment. I really think they're just testing the limits and like someone else said,looking for a reaction. She didn't mean it...they don't understand how hurtful words can be at this age.

I can't believe you're almost done with your adoption paperwork. That was really fast! Can't wait to see all God has in store for your amazing family. :)

redmaryjanes said...

Every once in a while Eli will tell me he wants another Mommy too. But I can't have another boy. Ask her if you can have another girl when she says that and see what she says. She is just a doll as always!

Janet said...

Isabelle has done that to me too...tell me she wants another mom. When she was four. Must be something about four.....? Anyway, someone told me to just say calmly, "oh, well, I'm glad you're my daughter." And then just leave it at that. It's hard to do, because you want to cry. Or scream. Or ...whatever. But if you just ignore it, they don't get what they want, and they drop it. If you go into great detail with them, they KNOW it's gotten to you, then you're TOAST! :-)

Juliette said...

Love that pic of your girl!
They keep us on our toes, don't they?
Maëlle is pushing me a lot these days too, she's very insolent and answer every thing I say to her, like if she wanted to have the last word. I didn't know it was so early either, and it's tough to keep my cool and don't overreact.
As everybody said we know and you know Lily doesn't mean what she says when she speaks about the other Mom.
I think at that age our kids try to find their own personality, identity and that means also taking some distance from Mommy in different ways, to feel they exist on their own and not just by and with us.
Congrats on your paper works done.

Gee Gee said...

Now, you know she doesn't mean that!!! She has the most wonderful life with you and Jay! Brush it off and go on.....
I'm missing Lily and her funnyisms...

Heather said...

Congratulations on being almost done the paperchasing business!

And I think these girls are spicey! I keep telling myself the spunk will serve Hannah later in life. Here's hoping!!

I'm sad for you hearing that (it does hurt), but from the mommy of two devoted daddy's girls, the pendulum does always swing back, just not as quickly as I'd like sometimes.

Emily is six and we have had lots of mommy dates lately and tonight she zings me with, but I want to spend dates with Daddy...ugh, gets you right there!

The bottom line...you are one amazing mama and she is four - this too shall pass!

Love,
Heather

Steffie B. said...

I am so excited for you....and I think every age is challenging....girl I get it from all ages! lol You get through it and realize that it just comes out of their mouths, but they don't really mean it.

I usually just tell them I love them....but a few times I think I asked Emmie if she wanted me to help her pack her bags! lol

kerri said...

LOL, Oh Nikki, this post had me laughing aloud!!!
I admit my girls have said they want a new Mommy, it stung.I just say that they can't leave me, I love too much and I would be so sad, they always pipe back, sorry Mom, we love you and we will stay with you forever and ever!!
They love to get a reaction our spunky girls. ;)

Kristi said...

Yes, they like to test those boundaries of love and make sure us Moms love them no matter what they say! Lately every time I have to correct Anna for any thing....big or small.......she comes back with arms folded and sassy face,"Mommy don't love ME"! It really bugs me when we are out somewhere and everyone looks at us. I just tell her that I do too love her and complete the correction lest she try to use that ploy to get herself out of trouble! Not!

Kristi said...

Great going on getting that paper work done!

Panda-Mom said...

Yay!!! You are almost "paper pregnant"!!! ; ) We just got started on a new adoption road this week!

Paula said...

Thats the perfect title for this post. It does sound like things I heard from my daughter when she was 14. I agree with Michelle, she's just saying it because she wants a reaction. it still hurts though

The Shocks said...

I love what Stefanie said about helping pack the bags. I will have to remember that one.

mommy24treasures said...

Caitlyn spilled her drink at dinner tonight and Daddy just sternly told her she needed to quit playing and be more careful and she cam in my office to tell me he was mean and she no like him.
One other thing she is doing is if we tell her to throw something away or pick something up she says you do it! Sometimes its hard not to smile but we just of course enforce that she is going to be the one doing it.
Ahhh... as Steffie said, each age brings something that you can certainly count on...

Laura Nipper said...

It must be a girl thing because Morgan can be so sassy and tries to run the show at our house.

I am so excited about your adoption. Cant wait to follow along.

GWEN OATSVALL said...

I have an idea ... when one of my kids says they want to live somewhere else or like another family better ... i say go pack your bag and I will take you there ... the thought of sleeping somewhere else forever usually brings them right back to mama's arms ... hee hee ...

Lil is one blessed girl to have you and you her ... YOU ARE A PERFECT MATCH !!!

i am ready to wait w/ you ... i am ready to email late at night when you can't sleep, i am ready to cry when things don't go smoothly (and we know that happens), i am ready to jump up and down in TN when the picture arrives of the new LIL Doctor and i am ready for it all because you are MY SISTER !!! i love you ...

And I hope Lil's wish to come to TN happens ...

Mr.Brian said...

Oh I am so sorry she says such hurfull things.
Without making enemies with the women I do think it is a girl thing.My neighbor girl who is now 9 did and still can be a wee bit sassy.But most of the time she will melt your heart.
Unlike us guys who NEVER gave our mom's any trouble.(NOT)!!!!

Tiffany said...

Oh my... we also have a sassy Lily on our hands. She also shuts the door and acts ticked off.
I have wondered lately if she is a teenager trapped in a 3.5 year old body.

Congrats on a second adoption!!!!!! So excited for you.

Jonni, John & Sofia said...

Love the pic of Lily. That hat is so adorable on her.

Lily knows she has the best mama, I think she is just testing you to see your response. I would feel the same way though. I am glad she came back later and said you were the best mama. I really liked all the good tips about this from the other readers since I am sure it will be happening in our house soon too.

I hear you on the growing up thing, Sofia started her terrible 2s at 18 months!!!! Yikes, whenever she is mad, she really let's me know.

Hugs,
Jonni

Jewels of My Heart said...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh big hug..... I know she doesn't mean it but it still cuts like a knife.....
Sometimes we moms get a bad wrap..... always having to say, "NO!"
But, you are the one who she can always count on.... you are the one who loves her like no other... and one day before you know it she will come to you and tell you thankyou because she will understand that.....
Love you friend

Beverly said...

Glenys did that wanting a new mommy to me all last summer and fall. Stings a bit doesn't it. Glad she isn't doing it anymore and congrats on the paperwork!!

Jody said...

Now I don't ALWAYS give her everything she wants just a lot more often than I do with my own, haha- how can I resist!! Although i KNOW she does not mean it I am honored to be mentioned at the fountain- I am sure it has nothing to do with my kids-yeah right!

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